First Floored with Annoyance

Elevators, geez, that was a great invention. I'd like to meet the gentleman who invented the elevator and give him a hearty handshake. Being able to move up multiple floors in seconds? Right on, count me in. Since the invention of the elevator, the "stairwell fatality rate" has drastically dropped, and millions of knees are in better shape as a result of less wear and tear.
The elevator adds to the society of laziness we live in, but you know what, I don't want to climb eight floors to reach my office just because I want to get a cup of coffee.

But there are people who abuse the privilege of elevator riding. You know the people I'm talking about, you hop in the elevator, hit the good ol' 6th floor button, and as the doors are closing, a hand reaches in and the door dings back open. A mental game ensues, "who's about to walk in, but more importantly, what button will they press." You stand back and brace yourself. What floor? You hope, you pray that they are picking a floor above yours, thus not holding yourself any longer than the initial "door holding."

And who walks in? The hunchback lady that lives on the first floor. And who is she with? Her miniature terrier clad in sweater and dog boots. People who dress there dogs are annoying. Being a dog means you have the right to be naked all the time. It means you stay warm with a natural fur coat that you don so proudly. Being is a dog is like being American, it's democratic, and you don't want to impinge on your dogs democratic right to wear nothing in public.


But I digress from my point. Now what does this canis dictatoris do? She presses the button for the first floor. Nothing is more annoying than a "first floorer." I've taken the steps before, I've seen the distance from point A to point B, and 15 steps doesn't merit an elevator ride, bitch please. And as she holds you up for an extra thirty seconds, you mentally kick her dog and strangle her with the fluorescent pink leash, but you come back as she steps out and says "have a great day!" Argh, your friendliness is annoying.