A pen? That's erasable?!? Impossible!

You know what really annoys me? That fallacy known as "eraseable pens." Man, I remember back in the 20's, you wanted to correct a mistake; boom bazooka Joe, flip over your pencil and let's get to erasing!

But according to Mr. Dylan, the times they are a changing, and pens are so the new pencils. When you want something permanent, you use pen. You have an appointment you can't break, you don't "pencil someone in," you exercise your write to ink and once that ink dried, there was no going back, history just occurred, are you ready for the revolution?

Pen is permanent, pen is forever. Pen is the Constitution, pen is the Bill of Rights, pen is America. Using a pen is an exercise of liberty, you say what you mean, and you don't care who knows it, because those words are forever embodied in the characters you print.

But in 1979, Erasermate changed all that. Erasermate impinged on the sanctity of the institution of permanence. They astonished the world with a pen, that was up to then non existent, and changed the face of back-to-school stationary for years to come. Back-to-school shopping CAN be annoying, due to long lines, and if Staples doesn't carry your favorite color Five Star Trapper Keeper.

An erasable pen? That's an oxymoron! Erasable pen? Jumbo Shrimp? Biggie Smalls? It just doesn't make sense! Things that don't make sense are annoying.

Now, we have established the concept that the erasable pen is annoying, but physically, and when put to purpose, the erasable pen is infinitely more annoying. First there is the eraser on the cap. When I think of an eraser, I think of a fresh #2, pink as a Super Ball, and smelling just as fresh. Not an eraser with a hole in the middle of it. Erasers with holes in them are annoying.

And as for the pen, well, don't get me started. First, the ink. When I use ink, I expect a thick bold line, I expect my penmanship to improve, I expect results. When I use an erasable pen, ink comes out in spurts, it takes too long to dry, it smears when I drag my left hand across it. Basically, you can't submit a manuscript in erasable pen. The pages have holes in them from pushing to hard when nothing would come out, and ink stains where it erasable-pen-nutted all over your page. Did Mark Twain use and erasable pen? Did Ernest Hemmingway? Did R. L. Stine? Hell no, you use a fuckin' quill, you use a ballpoint, otherwise you’re annoying.

And erasing!!! The concept of the erasable pen is to be able to erase, but when you attempt to "erase" the ink never quite erases, and there are always indents of where you had to overtly push in order to scribe. So what do you do? You erase harder! Of course! The harder you erase, the better chance you have of deletion! Erroneous, it just makes a hole in the paper you tried to keep so nice by using an "erasable pen"

Papermate, you're annoying, erasable pen, you're annoying, and if you use erasable pens, you're annoying.