Very gay cartoon hero sends in his list

After being annoyed for 23 years, I decided its time to vent…. The following things annoy the hell out of me…..

1. My mom

2. Your mom if she talks to my mom

3. Your mom even if she doesn’t, because you are annoying, so one can only be led to believe that it’s in the genes

4. Genetics…. Don’t tell me I’m predetermined to be a short Jewish kid with chronic IBS, I am an American and I’ll be a lanky 6’ 6’’ Kenyan hunter/tribesman if I damn well please, thank you very much

5. Those damn lanky 6’ 6’’ Kenyan hunter/tribesman…. Thinking they are so cool on the covers of those damn Fashion Magazines

6. Those damn Fashion Magazines telling me how to look cool…. Screw you, I’ll make my own magazine and I’ll tell you that you are only cool if you set yourself on fire

7. Fire….. I mean, we get it, you are hot. There’s no need to keep showing us by burning things all the time…. Like a great man once said “Oh my god, someone call 911, this fire is out of control!”
8. 911…. For telling me I am tying up the line…. Who the hell do you think you are interrupting my anecdote about my last trip to wine country; I haven’t even gotten to the part where I took a trip to wine country…. Probably because I didn’t, but you didn’t know that when you hung up on me!

9. Wine country or THE wine country…. I don’t know where it is, and I don’t care to….. people who like wine enough to travel distances for something they can get down the street are annoying.
10. Driving distances….. Just because you can drive somewhere doesn’t mean you should, and speaking of which, I don’t care about those stupid pictures you took when you drove that distance to that place of the things and stuff you took pictures of…. I really don’t

Lastly, I find these final two annoyances to be the most grievous of all

11. Second hand smoke…. It kills kids (baby goats) and destroys marriages and meals

12. Third hand smoke…. Because at that point its just some dying asshole breathing in your face